halloween

i think it was while i was in first grade that i first became aware that the rest of the world was not as fortunate as i was. during the month leading up to halloween our teacher talked about some of the hungry people in the world. we were shown kids that had exposed ribs and sunken eyes. there was pain written on their faces. i wanted to send them food. i had plenty to eat and told my mom that i would share some of my dinner.

my mom explained that the food would spoil and that would not help the kids because they were so far away.

it was too many years ago to remember all the details of how these waves of feelings passed over me. i do remember really suggesting sending my spaghetti and maybe mentioning that to my teacher. we had a discussion at school and the concept of trick-or-treating for UNICEF came up. it was a difficult concept for 6-year-olds to understand.

after being explained the process, i thought i understood it. trade you trick-or-treat for the hungry kids. collect money instead of candy. there were special cans with slits on the top. a sealed bank of sorts. we signed up and made a pledge. i was ready. ready to do my part to help. trade some of my grace for the people in need.

somehow things changed as we got closer to Halloween. there seemed to be a social clause that we could do BOTH. trick-or-treat for UNICEF the day before halloween. somehow it didn’t seem right. even in my tinker-bell outfit that looked a lot like my gymnastics’ clothes, walking down the street at 4:00 pm in the afternoon just didn’t seem like charity. making the can jingle jangle wasn’t like i had to dig deep into my graces to share with those that needed it.

i really wanted to share my dinner. i would have even given them my dessert.

taste of early mornings

there is something about early mornings that i really miss. 

i caught a taste today when i woke up early early, and it flashed back all sorts of fine memories. not the type of memories that burn in your brain. i am talking about the type of memories that chill in your body.

when i was young and filled with unbounded energy, i got out of bed as early as i could muster. darkness slipping away to the start of a brand new day. the morning chill being swept away by the bright rays of sunshine. i quickly slipped on clothes and shoes and headed out to greet the day.

my feet would start to pound against the ground as i ran to kristin’s house. my lungs would expand pulling in the crispness of the morning. my brain would simply echo the thump of my feet. i would feel whole and alive. no thoughts. only breathing and running. slowly the day would begin to heat up as the forces of a new beginning demanded their existence and i would feel their magic pass through me as well. i reveled in the participation.

its like as we sleep we compress ourselves to a single point. our existence simply the reverberation of a single letter, a single syllable, a single perspective.i. like the closed up petals of a flower that begin to unfold to greet the day, we unfold from that point to greet the world. slowly and carefully making sure that each and every petal stretches to bask in the sun.

i think that in the hectic pace. i think that in the pressures that we face. in the desperation and the exhaustion that we fall into at the end of each day … i think that we forget. i forgot. i forgot the splendor of just that simple connection. i forgot the exhilaration of a simple flex of a muscle. i forgot the taste of early mornings.