some struggles are like trying to dig through an avalanche of rocks. they come tumbling town on you burying you among thier weight. the only way out of them is to claw and scrap. the labor is excrucuationg. with the air caked with dust and dirt, breating is a chore. the lack of light cycles can make you lose site of time. 

not knowing how far you have come or how far you still need to go makes this struggle all the more difficult. its hard to conquer what you cannot see. work (or my lack of work) recently has been this way for me.

somewhere in my brain is a vision that i witnessed a long time ago. a person was tunneling out of a tunnel and is overcome with the thought that they will never reach thier goal. they give up. the vision shows that they were inches from breaking through to freedom. the message is clear that we need to keep going because we never really know how close we are to breaking through.

i have not broken through yet, but i continue to dig even with half a mind thinking that i could never get out from under all that has tumbled down upon me.

i am tired.
i have no job.
i have less and less money.
i am confident that i am doing what i can.
i am confindent that – that is enough.
i am scared that i will not be able to find work.
i am scared of what happens after that.

i will keep digging. pushing through the tunnel until i break through this one.