turning the corner

as i sit here looking out at the world there is a part of me that wants to scream about the revelations that have been slowly settling in my soul. peaceful fellows they are. heavy indeed. heavy enough to anchor me in faith that we all need to hold. a blurry bunch though. just like my words and yet more appropriately a bit more like how i exist.

simple. again, a reflection of who i am.

steady.

i want you to know that i walk steady. that i have found a comfortable gait that suits me. my future is but one step away with the rest falling away in a blurry fog. i hold no map but there is only one path in front of me. i do think i will surly take that one instead of the wild ones my youth had sometimes insisted.

as i sit here starring at all my belongings in a four by eight trailer, there is a part of me that understands that i gained something valuable here and i hesitate talking too loudly in case there is such thing as a jinx. so somewhere between a scream and a whisper there is my voice. it would be nice if you heard it but part of the treasure is knowing that it is no necessary. walking that balance beam of caring but not needing and certainly welcoming if ever the case.

the distance i have covered here has made some things appear clearer and some things fade into the background. there is a sense of strength in me as well as a weariness that i have never known. i turn the corner and i leave some things behind. i know the next steps i am going to take, but as i sit here there are things i just seem to get without really understanding. there are words .. there are the wordless whispers. there is knowing that as i sit here.