i was flying. more like swimming or pushing my way through the air. floating above the world. it was hard work but i kept trying. sometimes the reality of dreams amaze me. i could feel the air. i could feel the ache of my muscles. i felt the hardness and the coldness of the pole i grabbed to gain some rest.

i was sitting at the keyboard pushing my way through the feelings that pressed in upon me. one key at a time. one word after another. it was hard work but i kept trying. i want to write, right? each time i did i sat and stared at the screen. my fingers wouldn’t press and of those lettered keys. when they did i would sit and stare at the words they formed and think, ‘i can’t say that’. i would backspace to erase the whole mess. sometimes the fuzziness of reality amazes me. the swirling uncertainty of all of it grips me. which muscles ached? what truths were slipping between my fingers.

there are moments that solid ground feels less solid than swimming through the air. somewhere i heard about the functioning of our brains – how we tend to fill in the gaps so that things make sense to us. maybe a bit like mirages where we fill them in so that they make sense and fulfill some desires too.